The earliest memories of spirituality I have are my dreams.
Grammer School & Back«««
Ever since I was a little girl I dreamt about the ocean almost every single night. Water is known to be the element of spirituality. Since I was young, I didn’t understand it. I thought they came because of how badly I wanted to live somewhere Tropical. Why was my soul inclined to water with no explanation? Why did want to live somewhere tropical? Could I have been a marine creature in a past life? Could I have been a tropical island native? Many questions come. Every picture I drew in my childhood were of goddesses, beaches, and coral reeds. My favorite disney stories were aladdin and the little mermaid. The first culture I ever loved was India & Ancient Egypt.
I began to become obssessed with water…and tried to include all of my girl cousins, friends in my fantasy realm. I made long lists of fantasy princesses all were nature related. I made the people closest to me choose between fire earth and air, but I always made sure I was water before anything else. Then from water became my love of the moon. If I wasn’t a water princess, I was a moon princess. I gazed at images of the moon all of the time and read myths of moon dieties.
After my acceptable age in elementary school for all the fantasy and mysticism came my first concrete stage of life in middle school. I was shunned for being different. Shunned for never caring about celebrities, fashions, and other mundane topics. I had only one best friend there and we both didn’t know why people didn’t want any association with us for liking different things. We called ourselves witches at the time. We really didnt care for the meaning behind it, but we just wanted to see magic. We wore black nail polish in the 6th grade. People thought we were devils. I wondered why noone else had anything in common. Why no one liked fantasy or anything what I call of this world that cannot be seen. With that best friend, I actually felt like I was in some magical fantasy like out of the books I read. Then she moved. I stayed an outcast until 8th grade, when my spiritual nature was repressed for a more material one.
I moved from a diverse neighborhood (I’ve grown up in diverse neighborhoods all my life until 8th grade) Into the ghetto. Transitioning into high school there, in that neighborhood it was no possible way of shining spiritually. If I had there, I’d get worse than shunned, I’d probrably get physically violated. I repressed it more to keep attention away from me. I became more material to blend in, and left all my childhood soul hungers alone. It was already chaotic, my high school was known for violence, crime and low academic achievement. fights sprawled everyday over lustful reasonings. Relationships/Money/Drugs. I’ve witnessed a robbery occur inside of the school. But my subconcious have never failed me. Even though I wasn’t consciously doing spiritual work, my soul was still active in sleep. I had precognitive dreams, lucid dreams, astral dreams…Junior and Senior year my soul was very depressed so senior year I began to look to my childhood for answers. They say people that have been through alot are given gifts. In 2012 I was left as an only child, with both parents deceased. In hinduism steps to becoming liberated from the pains, the up and downs of this material earth is shedding all material pleasures. Luxury, cravings, lust, even the friendship and family love is considered material….and now I am being shed of everything.
End of Part 1